Somewhere in Between Certainty vs. Curiosity
Uncurated thoughts and ideas : on side quests, being a wildflower, online virtue signaling and the lonely chapter.
You can be a wildflower.
A few months after completing college, I wanted to quit pursuing a career in IT/Business and become a writer. It was a financially rough time for my family and my parents were terrified when I told them this. They told me to get a decent job and then pursue anything that I want on the side. Writing wasn’t going to help pay our bills - but more importantly, there was no promise that it was going to secure my future - especially at a time when working in a big corporate firm was seen as a source of pride, a promise of something bigger to come. Also I had no big writing experience except for a few freelancing gigs I took on from time to time. This was somewhere between 2013-2014- a time when only those writing for newspapers, magazines, or who had published a book were considered “real” writers. Even people who had been writing blogs for years were primarily called ´bloggers´- not writers. Things are different now -you don’t need to work for a magazine or a newspaper, you don´t even need a blog, if you write good captions on IG or Tik Tok about manifestation and how you can get all the shit you want from the Universe, people already call you a good writer. It is both ridiculous and amazing how the barrier of entry to any creative field has drastically shrunk.
Anyway, I tried finding a writing job for some months. My father, though reluctant, but also sincerely wanting to see me do something I want, would drop me off for interviews and walks in at newspapers and magazine offices. It was a draining experience, and things were bad at home and I felt disgusted by how selfish I was - after all, think about the money, time and effort spent on 4 years of college and 12 years of school, God knows how many tuitions - all willingly and desperately spent on a kid who was largely a failure at studies. What was a I thinking ?
At that point, one of my best friend´s father, who was a Professor at the college we went to, took it upon himself to advice me on my situation - and he said something that I will never forget. I´ve reminded myself this every time when I´ve had doubts about whether I should do this or that. He said, “you are a wildflower, you are meant to grow in all directions and anywhere you want. Don’t limit yourself to this or that. Get a job and also write, and tomorrow if you want to do something else - do that as well.” I recollect this conversation to my friend everytime when I see her. (As I am writing this I realize I haven’t met or spoken to her Dad for many years. Hate myself a little right now) Eventually I came to my senses, got a job in a company that builds ecommerce websites for clients around the world( which was a big deal back then :D) - and in a month or two I also got a part time job at a small filmmaking magazine. I actually ended up loving the 9-5 life and the job. Talking to clients, discussing the project with other teams, getting into an argument with clients, getting a job well done - I loved it and I still do. I´d do my 9-5 and then my father would pick me up from there and drop me at the magazine office, and he would pick me up again after a few hours. It didn’t pay me much, but I loved it. It was my first time being among super creative people - writers, filmmakers, graphic designers, editors - all of us discussing about cinema. How Wonderful ! My job was to interview filmmakers, write film reviews, critique short films. I gave up the writing job shortly after I left India because I thought I wouldn’t be able to manage my time between doing my Masters and writing - a decision I still regret - because eventually I also lost touch with writing. Imagine the experience, and confidence I would have gained by just sticking with that job a little extra longer. Also the magazine company was very new and I should have stayed to support its growth.
Looking back, thank God my parents were adamant about me getting a proper job in a corporate firm. Because at that time writing alone would have done me and my family no good, and above all I would have missed out on a whole other industry - one I was trained and prepared for, and which is now the biggest dominant industry as it was meant to be.
Just like my friend´s father said (or predicted) I pursued anything that I was drawn towards. I sometimes do worry about this personality because pursuing anything that you´re drawn towards also could mean not becoming a master at any one thing in particular. Also the internet always keeps reminding you to niche down in one business. At the same time doing just one thing for the sake of mastering it makes me feel like I´m shrinking myself, and I am more happier when I just follow the curiosity. And that’s always been important to me : follow the curiosity and hopefully, eventually I´ll figure things out .
If you feel the urge to move in different directions - then just keep moving. Be a wildflower. It need not be this or that. It can be this and that - and something else. Have something going on for you that is at least moderately stable- especially if you´re at a place in life where you are responsible for others around you.
In a way I think we are lucky how much things have changed due to the technology revolution. The options are endless if our mindset is right and educating ourselves on any subject - not just vaguely but thoroughly has never been so accessible. 15-20 years ago, our idea of a successful and prosperous future was tied up to either becoming a doctor, or an engineer or a manager in a large corporate company. But now we have the option of and - Doctor and a Youtuber, Manager and a Filmmaker. That´s a powerful cultural shift.
Go on more side quests.
Don´t sleep on your ideas. Speaking of the cultural shift that we are in, no idea is weird or stupid anymore. Have you seen what people do and put on social media these days ? Whenever the sudden instinct to pursue something hits you - go after it. If you´re at this phase where you don’t know what to do and what to pursue it’s just because you haven’t gone on many side quests yet. If you´ve got a story inside your head put that on paper, if someone´s photography moves you and makes you want to become one, take out your phone and start clicking. Write, speak, paint, run, lift, shoot and share, climb - try them all. Even if these side quests turn out to be a big fat failure you´ll come out a very different different person at the other end of it - and that’s kind of the whole point.
Online creators / influencers virtue signaling - Only when it suits them
Did you notice people pick sides and are on the right side of history only when it’s convenient for them ? For almost 2 years now we´ve seen so many people online speak up for Palestinians. Creators and influencers from around the world, from all religions - even the jews. And I am one of the many, many people who was moved by the people online with a big reputation and an online community speaking up so boldly - especially at a time when the conflict reached a tipping point. I would look at them as this morally superior, emotional beings with good consciousness who in spite of all the pushback picked a side and stood for the right side of history. And this opinion got completely shattered when I saw how these creators and influencers either stayed quiet or safely took a neutral stance during the India-Pakistan war in April/May 2025.
On April 22nd, five armed terrorists from Pakistan entered a tourist spot in Indian-administered Jammu & Kashmir. They forced tourists to recite verses from the Quran, checked their names, and shot those identified as Hindus. They specifically asked for names to confirm if someone was Hindu before shooting them - how is this not a terror attack fueled by religious hatred?The Pakistan military holds significant influence over the country’s politics, and this wasn’t the first time the military or government carried out attacks on Indian soil. Following this attack, India retaliated, and the conflict lasted for almost two weeks.
During this period almost all of the content creators/ influencers and entrepreneurs that I personally follow either took a neutral stance and said - get this : “This is not a Hindu- Muslim, or a India-Pakistan issue, this is a Kashmiri issue,” - or they just stayed quiet. It took me weeks to grasp this shit , but here’s what it is : Many non-Muslim creators either didn’t speak up or took a neutral stance after October 7 because they didn’t want to offend the pro-Palestine crowd that now follows and supports their work and business. Being pro-Palestine is often associated with having a good conscience and supporting other Islamic countries in the Middle East, while India is often grouped with Israel due to their weapons trade and manufacturing ties.
On the other hand Muslim creators/ influencers either stayed quiet or took a neutral stance because they did not want to offend and hurt the sentiments of the Indians who bring in business for whatever company they were running. These Muslim creators who run businesses with the brand tag “south asian business” , and some of them are Pakistanis for God´s sake , did not even speak up for their own country - because why risk speaking up and losing all your Indian clients, and India based partnerships. Honestly I have more respect for the Pakistani people who stood up for their country regardless of what anyone else thinks of the conflict. They stood up for their home. This whole issue was eye opening for me because how stupid was I to think that is because one boldly speaks up for Palestine they are going to pick a side and be fair during other conflicts as well? You have no problem picking a side—until it threatens to significantly impact your business. There’s nothing virtuous about that; it’s simply a business strategy.
I do not say there is no Kashmir issue. There is and always has been Kashmir issue AND there is also India- Pakistan issue. Yes, let us talk about the problems in India, let us talk about the rising Islamophobia in India, and let us talk about how the Indian government treat the Kashmiris - but please can we also talk about the terror organization i.e the Pakistani military that is running the country, can we talk about the number of terrorists groups operating in Pakistan ? Can we talk about how the civilians in Pakistan have been the most harmed and affected due to their country´y military control? Can we talk about the terror attacks happening inside Pakistan itself ? Can we talk about how their goal is not to free Kashmir - but just to take over control and how that could weaken India´s security ?
We have no problem speaking of the Nakba that happened in 1949 when hundreds of thousands of Palestinians were removed from their home, but we have a problem speaking and reminding people of the hundreds of thousands of Hindu Pandits - the indigenous people of Kashmir - who were forced to flee their homes in the 1980´s and 1990s after the Islamic rising in the region. How many people who take the neutral stance by picking Kashmir and who post instagram stories of books on India’s treatment of Kashmir talk about this ?
The lesson is here for people like me who consume content on the internet, who follow influencers and creators who have managed to garner this reputation of being fair and square, especially post October 7. They will be on the right side only as long as it fits their business and career goals. Honestly they are no different than any of the governments running the world. They run a business.
I am just pointing out the hypocrisy and a little awakening I had recently - besides that I actually think the creators and entrepreneurs have every right to speak in a way that doesn’t affect their business. There are some things that are worth speaking up for and some things are not which might potentially affect your their and all that they’ve built- it is just smart business. Imagine years of effort put into building an online brand and community of thousands and lose it all by picking a side that is gonna work against you. That would be ridiculous. It is only human to protect what you’ve built - but maybe us consumers stop falling for this fake virtue signalling ?
I started a podcast - and now I am in the lonely chapter
I started a podcast - it is called Everything Playbook - go listen if you already haven’t ❤️ . Just an FYI - I am going to start mentioning this in every post going forward. I am 9 episodes in, and just finished recording the 10th and 11th episode. I have so much to say about this, but for now I want to focus on just how lonely it feels to do it all. Allow me go on this rant : It is not easy - I didn´t expect it to be but I still gotta say , it is not easy. Sending out emails to guests, podcasts getting cancelled last minute after you sit down all prepared, following up, getting rejected, getting ghosted, and then once it is done - I have to do quality checks in order to prepare it for spotify and other platforms- sound and other edits, preparing content for social media - edit the content - sound, captions, fonts, music. Should I just stick to instagram or should I also spread the word in Tik Tok ? People say Linkedin is good for new businesses - should I post there as well ? Yes I should. It doesn’t perform well - should I keep going ? I also have to shoot my own content in order to promote the podcast. What should I speak that will be interesting. I do not like showing vulnerability and the “real me” online. How do I improve the podcast, what´s something I can do differently ? All of this - it is just me. Just me alone in my room. When you start something, usually there is this applause from people around, both offline and online - and I guess from what I see - there is also a big applause when you finally make it to the top. But I am right in the middle - the lonely chapter - there is no positive reinforcement here. Nobody sitting next to me saying “You are doing amazing sweety”, no Kris Jenner. You know when it is just you with your head down in your room for hours and pushing out your work. not a voice next to you giving feedbacks or ideas? The middle part is the hardest and looks like this is a long game.
Not gonna lie - I am kind of ashamed to say this but the idea of quitting sometimes comes and goes and it looks attractive. But the fear of regret and feeling of disgust of not doing something I love is deep. So I am planning to seeing this to the end.
On the other hand - I love podcasting. I know I have to get better a lot, I know I have to do more if I plan to make this big and becoming successful at it, I know I suck sometimes - but I really think this is what I was born to do. I feel like I am meant to do this. I love interesting people - and I´ve always loved learning from people and telling others what I´ve learned. I am a better person, a little bit more wiser with each episode. It's a gut instinct but I feel Everything Playbook could be something big one day.
The one thing that I tell myself for comfort in this lonely chapter is that a lot of people I now look up to have been through this chapter as well, a lot of them are in the lonely chapter. It is meant to be this hard. Where is the story if it’s all so easy and if it’s just handed over to you ? If you´re in the lonely chapter too : Let´s fucking gooooo!